Gary’s Journey Through Hell

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This is 50.

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This is 50.

What am I still doing here?

Gary Shteyngart
Jul 8, 2022
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This is 50.

garyshteyngart.substack.com

Last week, I turned fifty. When I was a twenty-something addicted to drink and horse tranquilizer, neither I nor my friends thought I would make it this far. And, honestly, I can’t believe I’m still here.

And aside from my schlong problems, I really don’t feel that old. I walk six miles a day and swim a mile, and now that I’m trying to keep my drinking to 14 drinks a week (okay, last week because of the birthday we hit 25), I feel a teenaged burst of energy, but without the awful hormonal infusions.

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I’ve always wanted to write 12 books before dying, ten novels and two memoir-style books. I’ve done six so far, one a memoir. It took about 25 years, so I guess I have to make it to 75 to complete my mission. And then I shall die. To a person from Eastern Europe this kind of longevity seems like science fiction. But I’m determined to prove the actuarial tables wrong.

My birthday was celebrated with dear old friends from as far back as elementary school. It started in New York City at Soothr, my favorite Thai restaurant and ended many hours later at a Ukrainian bar in the Village (Glory to Ukraine!)

Then we continued Upstate where I purchased a ridiculous amount of meat from the Smokehouse of the Catskills (a real trip!) and a friend bought a package of Russ & Daughter goodies. I made a groundbreaking sandwich with sable, whitefish, lox, cream cheese, capers, onion and bacon. You’re welcome.

I’m oddly content with the many good things in my life even as I wait for the other shoe to drop. Here’s a final hungover toast to all of us. May we enjoy our little pleasures a little while longer.

Gary’s Journey Through Hell is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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20 Comments
Slainte
Jul 16, 2022Liked by Gary Shteyngart

Don’t whine! My 53rd B’day will again occur next week. It marks the 32nd year I have celebrated being 53. I was born in 1937 and I remember the day Pearl Harbor was bombed. My body is not in such great shape but I thank God my mind still works. My mantra: “Every day is a gift.” I stay busy and find something to enjoy in every day. Keep smiling, Babe!

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Valerie Hamilton
Writes Swamp Things
Jul 9, 2022Liked by Gary Shteyngart

Happy birthday to you and to all the eternal teenagers of 1972! Let's get old!

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