What Do Garys Want?

It’s a question as old as time itself, or at least since 1952 when the first “Gary” crawled out of the primordial muck.

Garys are often misunderstood because of their ridiculous name and connection with the state of Indiana. (Fact: As early as two decades ago, Garys were unable to operate shoe stores in that state, depriving them of their usual source of income.)

So let me tell you what we want.

Garys want jamon, preferably serrano, but if you have more expensive jamon, sure, go for it.

Garys want gildas, skewers of olives, guindilla peppers and salted anchovies.

They want manchengo cheese to “smooth it out” and maybe a tomato salad to keep them healthy.

Then they want a drink. It should have vermouth or campari or gin and plenty of ice cubes to cool the Gary down because with all our stray thoughts and copious body hair we’re prone to overheating.

And Garys need to tell the time so that they know when to run back to their shoe stores, so let’s slap a Cartier Tank with a stingray strap on that Gary and call it a day.

This is just a quick guide to what Garys want and if you know a Gary you can add more in the comments.

Thank you for reading.